Scale joke

You must be a C major scale... All natural. How do fish go into business?The start on a small scale. What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?I think we need to scale things back here. On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? On scale of one to 10, you’re a poutine. On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do I smell like your mom/dad? On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tomorrow night?On a scale from 1 to 10, you're a 9... And I'm the 1 you need. My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”I gave him a high five. “Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the “gotta have it” scale." ~Zig Ziglar Want to start your day laughing? Register to our Daily Joke! Want to start your day laughing? Register to our Daily Joke! Continue With: Facebook Google By continuing, you agree to our T&C and Privacy Policy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔 Judaism is a lot like the pH scale. On one side of the spectrum there are basic Jews, and on the other side, Hasidic. My nerdy friend just got a PhD on the history of palindromes. Now we call him Dr. Awkward. but I have a PhD... "Here's a broom go and sweep the floors.""But I have a PhD...""Oh sorry, give me the broom, I'll show you how its done." My friend told me, “You have a Bachelor’s, a Master’s, and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot.” That was a third degree burn. This joke may contain profanity. 🤔 Why God never got a PhD 1. He had only one major publication.2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English.3. It has no references.4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself.6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done sincet... I once knew a lumberjack with a Ph.D He was a smart feller. This joke may contain profanity. 🤔 Why are black people unable to get a PhD Because they can't get past their masters. This joke may contain profanity. 🤔 My gynecologist told me my ph-level is too high Would that make me a basic bitch? What is the most common question that a person holding a PhD in Philosophy asks other people? "Do you want fries with that?" After many years of studying at a university, I’ve finally become a PhD… or Pizza Hut Deliveryman as people call it. Why orphan uses "ph" instead of "f" Because F is for family What does PhD stand for? Fancy Degree. It's so fancy it's spelled with a Ph. My socially anxious friend got a PhD in palindromes. He now goes by the title 'Dr Awkward'. A dishonest college graduate wrote “PhD” on his transcript I guess you could say he doctored it This joke may contain profanity. 🤔 My piss just registered 14 on the pH scale No wonder I'm so based. How to get a

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People finally recognize me.. As the neighborhood pizza Hut delivery guy now. A group of crows were receiving their PhDs at their college's commencement ceremony when the police showed up. They all were arrested for third-degree murder. This joke may contain profanity. 🤔 What do you call a female dog with a PH level above 7? A basic bitch Why is the pH of a white girl either 9, 11 or 13? 1. She's basic.2. She literally can't even. I aced my chemistry test on the pH scale... It was really basic. This joke may contain profanity. 🤔 What do you call a Jew with a pH lower than 7? ....hasidic I'll let myself out now. I know that was matzo good... Is it a good idea to have multiple PhDs? To a certain degree. A chemical warehouse was robbed at gunpoint, the assailants cleaned out all stores of substances with pH above 7. "All your base are belong to us" I went to a Vietnamese restaurant... Went to a Vietnamese restaurant tonight and there was dogs foot in my soup. The waiter said it was a pho paw. Right after I got my PhD in theoretical physics, I was able to land a job at Stanford! My first shift starts tomorrow, after the senior janitor gives me a quick rundown. My PhD student claims to have made a breakthrough in hyperbolic mathematics Turns out he was just exaggerating Breaking News: All liquids in Switzerland are being converted to a pH of 7 The government were asked if they thought this was good idea. They claimed to be neutral I've decided to get a PhD in how much soda you should have for the end of the world. Dr. Prepper, at your service. So, today I found out that Starbucks coffee is an 8 on the ph scale I guess that you could say all of those white girls are basic. A Harvard grad with a PhD and a redneck with a 5th grade education are in a contest This was one of my dad's favorites, and I've never seen

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